By FLEVIAN GEOFFREY: Every other day, a new name trends, another daughter is mourned, another family is shattered, and another young life is brutally cut short.

We look at the headlines, we gasp, we tweet our outrage, and we bury them.

Yet, as the dirt settles on yet another grave, a deeply toxic ritual begins on our timelines; instead of collective reflection, we retreat into opposing camps of blame.

On one side, fingers point ruthlessly at the victim: “Why was she there?” “She wanted money.” “She ignored the red flags.”

On the other, the condemnation falls heavily on gender: “Why can’t men handle rejection?” “Why become violent over a wounded ego?”

But while we trade barbs online, a bleeding wound goes untreated.

Femicide is not an internet debate to be won; it is a societal hemorrhage we are failing to stop.

Despite the tireless work of numerous organizations defending the rights of the girl child, the killings continue.

Experts argue that we have been treating the symptom while ignoring the systemic psychological crisis rotting beneath the surface.

Mental health and the boy child

To understand this crisis, we must look beyond the immediate horror of the crime scene and into the human psyche.

According to psychologist Millicent Lauren, Kenya is battling an invisible epidemic of unaddressed mental health struggles, heavily triggered by modern socioeconomic pressures.

Lauren argues that psychological intervention is key, as many individuals are battling these internal fires completely unaware of their triggers.

Un-diagnosed stress, depressive disorders, PTSD, and psychotic disorders are quietly driving individuals toward extreme behaviors.

This internal instability is further fueled by a volatile mix of genetic vulnerabilities and toxic environmental influences, such as internet subcultures and peer pressure.

For decades, our advocacy has rightfully focused on protecting and empowering the girl child.

However, defending our daughters is simply no longer enough; we urgently need psycho-education and Psychological First Aid (PFA) tailored specifically for our sons.

We must teach young men how to navigate the complex labyrinth of human emotions—how to manage anger, process loss, and cope with grief.

Psychologist Liz Ojwang points out a chilling reality that reinforces this need: a majority of men who commit these heinous acts attempt to justify them through the lens of raw emotion, unhealed past trauma, and transferred hate.

Ms Ojwang states that if we are to break this cycle, healed and sober men must step up to play a bigger role.

They must become the mentors and educators of their fellow men, promoting emotional sobriety, identifying abnormal behavior in their social circles, and actively advising broken men to seek psychiatric intervention before it is too late.

Where parenting fails

If you want to know where these destructive behaviors take root, look at early childhood.

The foundations are often laid right at home; reflecting on sentiments shared by President William Ruto back in 2024, when femicide cases spiked shockingly across the country, leaving more than 100 women dead with Nairobi, Kiambu, Nakuru, and Kisumu emerging as hotspots, parents must fulfill their foundational role in upbringing as a primary defense against this scourge.

As Ms Laureen notes, poor parenting styles play a significant role.

When a child shows early signs of Conduct Disorder and it goes unchecked, those behaviors become an ingrained part of who they are as an adult.

She emphasizes that standard discipline, like caning, simply does not suffice in these moments; professional psychological intervention is required before the behavior spirals out of control.

Parents must draw a strict line between discipline and torture; resorting to extreme physical measures does not reform a child; it traumatizes them, leaving them mentally damaged.

Compounding this is the reality that many parents themselves are battling unhealed mental health or marital issues, which directly interfere with a healthy upbringing.

The deadly intersection of vulnerability and control

The tragedy of femicide often happens at the intersection of two different kinds of emotional brokenness:

On one side are young women searching for love, validation, and emotional security-many have grown up emotionally neglected, carrying deep “father wounds,” longing for the affection, affirmation, and attention they never received at home.

Tragically, predators know exactly how to exploit this longing.

On the other side are young men growing up without emotional guidance; they do not know how to process rejection, heartbreak, jealousy, or betrayal in healthy ways.

Instead of healing, they turn to control, obsession, intimidation, and revenge.

Even the most good-hearted women, entering relationships with the purest intentions, can fall into these dangerous hands.

This is precisely why Ms Ojwang calls on parents, guardians, and mentors to foster open conversations before tragedy happens, rather than relying on outrage after the funerals.

We must stop raising children who are terrified of sharing their thoughts regarding their personal relationships.

She urges parents, guardians, and mentors, “Let us not raise children who fear talking to us. Our daughters need safe spaces where they can speak openly about relationships, pressure, loneliness, gifts, dating, manipulation, and danger without fear of condemnation.”

Simultaneously, our sons must be taught the fundamental rules of emotional intelligence such as “No” means no, rejection is painful, but it is not a humiliation, a breakup is never a license for violence and finally love can never be forced through fear.

To our youth, Ms Ojwang offers a stark caution: do not ignore threatening or controlling behaviors just because you are blinded by love.

Extreme jealousy, isolation, intimidation, and threats are not proof of deep passion instead they are warning signs.

Femicide is not just a women’s issue, it is a family issue, a parenting issue, a societal issue, a mental health issue, and a profound moral failure.

May we stop normalizing violence. May we stop romanticizing obsession. May we stop blaming victims while leaving broken systems untouched.

And may we raise a generation that knows how to love without controlling, leave without destroying, and heal without violence.